- "Don't listen to him; Fast Tony would sell his own mother for a grape.
Are you making an offer? I mean...no, I would not!"
- ―Manny and Fast Tony on the latter's scruples.[src]
Fast Tony was a male armadillo that attempted to sell other animals items in exchange for food.
- "Why you scaring everybody with this doomsday stuff?
I'm trying to make a living here, pal."
- ―Manny confronting Fast Tony[src]
A fast-talking armadillo, Fast Tony went around the Ice Valley in pursuit of other animals gullible enough to buy what he peddled under the pretenses of an oncoming flood.
- "Folks! I hold in my hands a device so powerful, it can actually pull air right out of the sky!"
- ―Fast Tony selling river reeds.[src]
Fast Tony, with the aid of his foolish glyptodon assistant Stu, sold off a number of products to other animals, claiming that the products he sold would aid the buyers. In time, he looked around at the land and saw that the ice and snow were melting, and found a new niche to sell things: the waterpark. Fast Tony's claims were dismissed by a number of animals, who mocked his claims, notably his trying to peddle river reeds, claiming that they could suction air straight from the skies. Approaching a gullible aardvark, Fast Tony inquired of her whether she had gills and if she could breathe underwater so as to prove his point. Fast Tony called on Stu to demonstrate: Stu, foolish as ever, stuck the reed in his nose, to Fast Tony's disgust, who shoved the reed in Stu's mouth and forced his head underwater. This proved to demonstrate Fast Tony's reeds, though it forced Stu to pull himself out of the water, gasping for air.
Fast Tony saw that all the ice in the ice age world was melting, causing floods to occur, and so he took to becoming a con artist, with a glyptodon named Stu as his lackey. Fast Tony began to peddle items such as bark and river reeds, claiming that they would grant the buyer safety from the floods. Few creatures were convinced that Fast Tony was being honest, and dismissed his ideas, among the disbelievers was Manny, who claimed that Fast Tony was lying. Fast Tony was eventually proven right, as Manfred and his friends discovered that the melts were real.
The other animals of the valley then left to find a means of escaping the floods, and Fast Tony was among them before he found Stu's empty shell, which had been left behind when Stu was attacked and eaten by two prehistoric sea reptiles. Fast Tony found a new use for Stu's empty shell as he tried to pawn it off to the other animals and use it as a soapbox from time to time. The valleys eventually flooded and were drained of the waters, and the animals of the valley returned to land, among them was Fast Tony, who gleefully told Stu's empty shell that they survived, adding that at least he himself had.
- Ice Age: The Meltdown(First appearance)
- Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (video game)
Behind the Scenes
Fast Tony was voiced by comedian Jay Leno.
Although he does not appear in Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs, he, along with the Mini-sloths appear in the video game. Here he appears as the owner of the Trade Shack and sells items, which may be helpful or just extras.